the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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