chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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