wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
