i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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