what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
