I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
