We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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