Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
