got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
