So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
