Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
