38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
