there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
