I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
