How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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