rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
