I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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