I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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