Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
