you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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