onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
