I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
