if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
