She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
