I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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