So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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