I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
