They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
