Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
