Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
