he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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