So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
