wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
