I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
