Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
