she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
