is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
