So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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