Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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