I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
