hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
