I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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