Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
