i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
