i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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