So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
