i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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