Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
