There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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