I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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