I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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