She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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