I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
only you would photoshop your dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
