so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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